Real Progress

Hello my lovely ladies (:

I am so ecstatic. This other site is helping me so much. I met this girl that I've started texting and we keep each other on track so well! I actually just completed the 5th day of a fast. That's my new best! And I'm still going. I weighed in one day 3 and I went down from 160 to 154.4. I'm going for two more days but I may go even longer, I'm not sure yet.

Anyway, I just had to let all of you know how I've been doing. I'm back to my old self and headed to 123!

Alcohol and new site

Soo, I got to drinking again and it totally knocked me off track. SO frustrating. But I haven't gained any. That's worth something. Buuut, the scale quit working a couple days ago. Kind of freaking out about that. It's weird, it doesn't really matter but I just have to see those numbers, even if it's bad. Anyway, I found thhis awesome site myproana.com It's put together amazingly well and has tons of members. It even has a chat room! It's not as expressive or artistic as blogger but it's great when you need someone to talk to asap. Anyway, just thought I'd mention it in case anyone wanted to check it out. I'm currently 19+ hours into a fast. I'm not sure what the goal is yet. At least all of today, maybe 2 or 3.

Day 5 and Today

Yesterday, day 5, didn't go so well either. Ended up at a spontaneous dinner with no healthy options. I ordered what I could and just decided I wouldn't eat much but I got a little carried away. Not terrible, but bad enough. Today I snacked without even thinking so I wanted to get on here and promise myself and you girls that I wouldn't eat anymore. I have a bet with a friend to weigh 150 by June 20th. That's roughly ten pounds in 2.5 weeks. I have to stop messing up even if it's only a little. I'm figuring out I just don't lose weight like I used to.

Update

Well it's pretty much the end of day four since I've restarted restricting even though I'll be up for hours yet. I guess I'd like to let you know how I've been and maybe reevaluate things since I've been gone for so long.
Day 1: 1 and 1/2 sandwich with mayo, green onions, and spinach. Under 500 cal
Day 2: 1 beer 180 cal
Day 3: 2 wraps consisting of tortilla, mayo, green onion, spinach, shredded cheese. Under 400 cal
Day 4: I didn't do so good today honestly. I'd rather not say what I ate but it was still under 1000 cal.

That's how it's been in the food world. Now otherwise: Um, I got a job at the beginning of the year. Worked for 3 months and started drinking pretty heavily again. That's how I fell off track so badly. If I'm to be honest with you girls, drinking is always going to be an issue for me. Well maybe it's pessimistic to say always but you know what I mean. I quit that job after a while in pursuit of a new job but then got caught up in my own emotions and such. That's what I'm doing back here I suppose. However, I am going to start that new job soon, within the next week or two. Hopefully I can stay on track once I'm busy. I'll need you girls' help with that. I'm really excited to have a steady income again. I want a car, to move out, tattoos, beautiful furniture and decor. Can't wait c:

I suppose that's all for now. Oh! I'm having trouble commenting on certain blogs so I may post something for specific people at times. I know it may not be very effective but it's better than nothing. Good night for now girls <3 Stay strong

Good news

It would appear my blog is functional again. :) I'm really happy about that, I need this. Two days ago I weighed in at 160. Wow :c I feel kind of guilty about this but I have a friend I've kind of tricked into helping me lose weight. I'm really excited about that though, I've never had someone in my direct life to help me along. Anyway, I'm so glad to be back, I can't wait to get thin and happy again. I look forward to hearing from any and all of you. Holy shit it's been a long time. :/

Failure

Well... In an attempt to rectify the problems I've had with Blogger things have only gotten worse. I can no longer access my email (williamwilltell@yahoo.com) and now Everytime I try to go to my homepage it crashes completely. Ugh. I swear I have the worst luck, things are just always so complicated. But I don't fucking care. I won't stop this time. It may take a month and I may have to change every goddamn thing or just start brand new but I'll fucking do it. Bit by bit, piece by piece. I'm coming back and nothing can stop me. I'm going to attempt this all again tomorrow and hopefully I can fix at least one damn thing. Oh on top of all of that, I lost all of my old data and media. No thinspo, no sites, no passwords etc. What seems like a lifetime of accumulated information and support - lost. Out of all of this there is one piece of good news. I didn't eat today. Nothing. And that feels great. I know a couple of days ago I weighed 151.6 pounds. So much when I look out how much lower I've gotten and been. But hey, I have to stay positive. Apparently this is a new beginning for me (whether I chose it or not) and I'm just going to make the best of that I can. You'll be hearing from me again, you can count on that. I am determined.

Still trying to be here

Blogger on my device is still an ass. But if I feel determined enough I can get something rough posted. Anyway, I'm in the midst of reading this entire blog on tumblr from beginning to end. There's a lot to be said about my obsessive and addictive personality. Ha Anyway the blog is called proanaboy.tumblr.com I'm about halfway through (60 of 122 pages) but hear is the troubling part. Just from what I read on the first page the boy who kept this particular blog has died. :/ I can't believe it, i hope it's some cruel or twisted hoax but by all appearances it's legitimate. About 20 or 30 pages into reading I said in a choked whisper "No, I don't want him to be dead, he can't be. I need to talk to this boy." Ugh It's a lonely night. I'm getting really motivated to do whatever I can to get blogger working for me again. I need to get back to my girls and my blog on here. I miss you so. And I really, really want to find another ana boy that I can talk with.

Progress

Oh my god. Blogger is officially a pain in my ass to work with. It crashes my mobile device 9 times out of 10 when I try to get on. Now it keeps pooping all over the screen as I'm trying to write this, making me select and load things I don't want to! FRUSTRATION Anyway, I haven't been posting as much as I'd like to but I've been a little busier lately. And truthfully, I just don't have a lot to say about anything lately. I am off to a good start concerni my weight however. I'm down to 146.8 c:

Current Weight

154.5 Ow...

Time Flies

Holy shiiit I suck at this! I could've sworn I posted like two weeks ago tops! Anyway, I didn't end up going to Warped so I kinda lost my motivation. That's no excuse but that's what happened. I REALLY want to get back into this. So I think I may just start writing in a journal every night and then posting that all together like once a week. Sounds like a decent idea right? I just don't have enough going on to post every night but I feel like if I don't do something I'm just going to keep forgetting and falling off the face of the Blogger Earth. I don't know how much I weigh right now or what my plan is to start off my return. I have to figure all of that out today. So you may hear from me again tonight, tomorrow morning, who knows? I look forward to being a part of things with you ladies again! And hooooooopefully being a part of the skinny community again. <3 P.S. This new Blogger set up is seriously malfunctioninng on my mobile device. Pissi me off! So if anything looks weird that I post or whatever I apologize in advance, bare with me. :)

I'm still here.

Fuck, I have not been around in forever. :/ Ms. Piggy brought my attention to that the other day. I mean, I knew I hadn't been obviously but she really got me thinking about it. Blogger has really changed up since I've been on. :P I've been doing decently, I've gained but I've been happy enough. But I've lost some of my way of thinking, my habits and obsessions. That's the real loss. So I'm going to try to get back into blogging. It helps me focus and keep my mind clear. I'm going to Warped Tour in exactly two weeks and I'd like to lose as much weight as possible before then. The plan since last year was to go shirtless but Ha! That is not happening anytime soon. Anyway, I'll keep it short for now. Glad to be back :) 151.6 pounds

The Hunger Games

It's really a wonderful book and it has such a deliciously ironic name. That title is my new inspiration.

Gain

Here recently I've been doing ok, eating pretty good and not binging. But as I'm sure you are all aware "pretty good" just doesn't cut it in this world. I've gained a little back, back into the 140s. Good glob, I just can not seem to escape them for long. Fuck! Anyway, so it's back to really strict eating. I really want to start on a three day fast. That always just helps me get going otherwise I'll just give in each time and eat more than I want. So a three day fast it is. Oh, aaand as I'm sure you are all aware St. Patrick's Day is coming up and Spring Break. Which basocally means I'm going to be a complete drunk in about a week. I really need to get ahead of the curve before that starts and I inevitably gain weight from drinking and tending hangovers. I'm not going to lie, I know I can't avoid it. I can't say no to alcohol especially during any kind of holiday/feativities. Anyway, hopw to hear from some of you ladies and I'll try to wander over to your blogs and drop a few comments here and there later today. :)

Still around

Just letting everyone know I'm still around and doing decently. :) I haven't been keeping up on blogs (bad William) but I should be able to catch up fairly easily. Can't wait :) I hope everyone's been doing well and losing weight. Let's get skinny skinny skinny. It's a very boring and lonely night in William's world. I have no responsibilities, no hobbies, no interests. Nothing. Now I know that's not so bad, I mean nothing is really bad in my life, not particularly anyway. But I'm an intelligent, 20 year old boy. I have ambition and energy! I need an outlet! I want to be doing something, moving somehwere. But I'm just kind of stuck. I guess I've all the more time to focus on becoming skinny. Whatever, just rantis of a late night thought process. Good night my lovelies.

Holy Fuck

I feel like shit today and you don't even want to know what the scale says. It's official: food is my fucking enemy. I didn't even eat that much yesterday! Seriously! I'm hoping some weird voodoo, magic, jinx shit is going on right now and tomorrow the scale will be back to normal. HOLY FUCK. I'm still staying positive because even if I really have gained all that weight it just motivates me that much more to put the fucking fork down and starve on. I thought I could take one down without being a crazy person and just eat a couple of things. Well hell no I can't! I have to starve Everyday to get as little as I need to be. Silly William for thinking you could eat.

Celebration

Well, I kind of fucked up today. Not bad but still a fuck up. The evil side of my brain that likes to see me suffer convinced me it was ok to eat since I had done so well and got into the 130's! Well shit on that, I didn't want to eat! But I did. :P Not a whole lot but I'm definitely expecting a gain. And I purged. It was so weird because I didn't even think about it, it just kind of happened. Anyway, my attitude overall is still great and I can't wait to continue losing. Just a minor set back. I hope everyone is doing well, I love you all!

...

Finally got to weigh myself again... I'm back in the 130's! 139.6! Still a ways to go but that was a small victory. c: I've lost 4.6 pounds in the last week. It finally feels like this constant starving is paying off.

Ugly

I'm really struggling with not eating today. And all I want to do is weigh myself. I'm doing good so far. It's so weird that in one moment the two thing you want moat can be to eat and to starve. Anyway, I thought I'd post this video that really helps me. Not necessarily avoid eatin but it helps me feel the emotions that otherwise are just a big tangle and storm. Oh, also I made an e-mail for this blog. It's williamwilltell@yahoo.com Feel free to hit me up. Oh, and the Biggest Loser is on tonight. Hooray!

UGLY

FRUSTRATION

I don't eat anything but 0 cal foods for 2 and a half days and lose only 0.6 pounds?! I am livid. I've had to deny food so many times these last couple of days, I'm absolutely starving, and I've only lost 0.6 pounds! Fuck everything

Hm. I'm terrible at making titles, don't you think? ;)

I don't really have a lot on my mind to say but I figured it had been a little too long withthout an adequate post. I have to keep my lovelies up to date and informed don't I? c: <--- That face right there. I love that face. It's so damn cute! Haha. Since I don't have specific things on my mind I'll probably get sidetracked a lot in this post. My apologies. Well let's see. So in my last post I said I was going to be going out with my grandma for "supplies" and most likely lunch. But in a pleasant turn of events (Whoa. What happened? Shit never turns pleasant! Only worse!) it was a rainy day. Oh how I love rainy days. And on that particular day there was even more reason to love them! My grandma is a big scaredy cat and cancelled on me so she wouldn't have to drive on the wet roads (remember, I've no car). But my mom felt bad for me and took me to the store instead. Three victories: it was rainy, I got my supplies, and I wasn't forced to eat. :) Four gallons of water, a large tin of Folgers Special Blend coffee (something like that anyway), sweet'n'low, powdered creamer, a twelve pack of diet Pepsi, cigarettes. I really couldn't ask for a single thing more. Except maybe my own, private, extra secret scale. ;) It sucks, in a family of seven we only have one scale. It used to be in an easy place to sneak off to but recently my sister took it into her own private bathroom. (Since I always snuck to weigh myself everyone thought she was the only one to use e scale. Damn my ability to hide things sometimes.) So... Oh! I've recently decided to join a ten day fruit fast with my beloved Miss Piggy and possibly others. (You may know her as fat piggy but I am a gentlemen and as such refuse to call her that.) On the off chance that anyone reading my blog is unaware of hers (highly unlikely-she has an overwhelming amount of followers) you should totally check it out. Miss Piggy Yesterday was my first day and was a complete success. :) Oh, I forgot to clarify something though. I fucking hate fruit. Haha. A vegetarian, eating disordered boy who hates fruit. Weird hu? SO. Instead of fruit fasting I'm doing William's Secret Salad Fast. Totally just came up with that. A long time ago I mentioned this salad recipe (if you can call it that). It's basically just a bunch of vegetables (lettuce, spinach, onion, tomato, bell pepper, jalapeno, pepperonchini- whatever I want!) with spicy, brown mustard on top. No dressing, no cheese, no croutons, none of that fat shit! It's basically a zero calorie meal, or close enough that a small walk could burn it off. So that's the plan for the next 9 days: Diet Pepsi, coffee, secret salads. c:

On a small side note, I'm having horrible pains in my stomach at the moment. It's weird because it feels like I'm incredibly full, which is impossible because I haven't eaten anything other than a salad in the last 36 hours. Anyone have any insight? I would love a solution because it is un-fucking-comfortable.

Alright lovelies, that's all I can collect from my mind at the moment. Hope to see as many new posts and comments as possible! I love you all! Stay strong today, don't give in or give up. We all want and need this. c:

Quick Edit: I weighed yesterday morning and was 142.4 pounds. A little frustrating since at my return I weighed 142 even but whatever. I did go out with friends and drink quite a bit, blah, blah, blah.