Saturday, November 5, 2011
Oh life
I'm now starving strictly to prove a fucking point. To make people worry. Well if everyone in my life is too fucking dumb to realize I'm drownigg here I'll make it easy for them. Maybe they'll realize that something is wrong when I collapse to the fucking floor in front of their faces. Then, when they ask why or what's wrong? "Oh, now you fucking care. Go to fucking hell."
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Alright
I've been fucking up. And I'm gaining weight. This isn't a long post it's just admitting that I'm failing so that I'll stop running and avoiding this blog. I'm sorry everyone. I was doing so good but in classic William form, I'm fucking it all up and proving to be a failure.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Random thought
The application I use to track my weight has spinning numbers, like on a slot machine you know? Sometimes I wish it would go all the way around past the numbers to letters that way I could just enter *spins* F *spins* A *spins* T
FAT
Thank fucking god you can spell better than you can do this you FAT FUCK.
FAT
Thank fucking god you can spell better than you can do this you FAT FUCK.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wrong again
He brought a ton of whiskey and I had plenty of it. Ate while I was black out drunk. Ate the next day to tend to my hangover. Bluh. And have been drinkong off and on aonce then. Honestly all I want tomdo tonight is go out and drink again. Anyway, I'm just checking in. I have no energy to do the usual update. But thank you everyone for your encouragement and compliments. Sorry to disappoint. :/ I'll be back as soon as I recollect the alcoholic remnants of myself.
Friday, October 28, 2011
I've made it to the 130s!
Oh my god, you guys have no idea how excited I am! Well, I take that back, you guys are probably the only ones who understand how excited I am. :) Anyway, I've jusy weighed myself and I am 139 pounds exactly. Still high I know but since I've restarted (started this blog) it's the lowest I've been! Also, the mid 130s was always my safety zone for like two or three years straight. It was still higher than I wanted but I just never got above that which was a nice reassurance. This summer was the first time I had broken that and climbed all the way to 150 so it was really discouraging. I had never had to fight that hard or far (since my original loss). On a side note, I know that basically means I've lost 3 pounds in the last day which is highly unlikely. But I did drink those beers so I'm hoping I had retained water and that's why my weight hadn't changed at all yesterday. (actually lost fat weight but was retaining water weight) Sorry, I'm pretty ecstatic and am not quite sure how this post is turning out. xD I supposeI 've said what I wanted, I'll leave it at that for now. Thank you so much everyone for all of your support! I'm really not sure I would've made it without you. Stay strong girls, and if there are any other boys reading this you stay strong too. :)
Two predictions: I'm going to try to update later tonight, maybe just to say how the rest of my day went and to reply to comments. :) Also, I believe my friend is coming over with whiskey tonight. I've already agreed to it but made him promise to not get very much at all. The other problem is that he more than anyone, tries to get me to eat. It's not a rude or concerned attempt he just legitimately believes it's the nice thing to do. Bluh. I'm surprisingly confident I can avoid it though. Wish me luck everyone
Quick Edit: Idk if I ever made this clear but my first goal was to break back into the 130s. Done! So my new short goal is 135, only four pounds away!
Two predictions: I'm going to try to update later tonight, maybe just to say how the rest of my day went and to reply to comments. :) Also, I believe my friend is coming over with whiskey tonight. I've already agreed to it but made him promise to not get very much at all. The other problem is that he more than anyone, tries to get me to eat. It's not a rude or concerned attempt he just legitimately believes it's the nice thing to do. Bluh. I'm surprisingly confident I can avoid it though. Wish me luck everyone
Quick Edit: Idk if I ever made this clear but my first goal was to break back into the 130s. Done! So my new short goal is 135, only four pounds away!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Quick update
Hey everyone!
Just letting you all know I'm still around and doing ok. I still weigh the same, no loss no gain. Kind of disappointing because I am starving but I did drink last night. Just a few drinks though, I didn't get wasted like usual. Oh, and I was out with this kid all night and today so he knew I hadn't eaten in at least 24 hours. He came as close to forcing me to eat, without physically shoving it down my throat, as possible. Asked me if I wanted to eat a dozen times, finally bought me something I didn't even agree to or pick out, and guilt tripped me about wasting it. That's the first time I've ran into that in forever. :/ But it was just this small pastry thing and I only ate a third of it and told him I'd like to save the rest for later. Ha! Threw that shit away as soon as I got home. Oh and I had one piece of vegetarian sushi. So in the last three days I've had a couple spoonfuls of ice cream, half an all veggie sandwich (60 calories in bread), 4 beers, a third of a dumb ass pastry thing, and one piece of sushi. Ugh, it sounds like a lot like that. :/ But I've been hungry as hell the whole time and have lost a little. The beer is what stalled me I think. :/ I just have such a hard time turning down alcohol. Ok, that turned into a longish update, but I'm finished now. ;)
Just letting you all know I'm still around and doing ok. I still weigh the same, no loss no gain. Kind of disappointing because I am starving but I did drink last night. Just a few drinks though, I didn't get wasted like usual. Oh, and I was out with this kid all night and today so he knew I hadn't eaten in at least 24 hours. He came as close to forcing me to eat, without physically shoving it down my throat, as possible. Asked me if I wanted to eat a dozen times, finally bought me something I didn't even agree to or pick out, and guilt tripped me about wasting it. That's the first time I've ran into that in forever. :/ But it was just this small pastry thing and I only ate a third of it and told him I'd like to save the rest for later. Ha! Threw that shit away as soon as I got home. Oh and I had one piece of vegetarian sushi. So in the last three days I've had a couple spoonfuls of ice cream, half an all veggie sandwich (60 calories in bread), 4 beers, a third of a dumb ass pastry thing, and one piece of sushi. Ugh, it sounds like a lot like that. :/ But I've been hungry as hell the whole time and have lost a little. The beer is what stalled me I think. :/ I just have such a hard time turning down alcohol. Ok, that turned into a longish update, but I'm finished now. ;)
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Old tips and tricks
Alright, I am finally going to post those old fuckers! (Sorry, I try to keep my vulgar language to a minimum but I hve been trying to do this forever damn it!)
TIPS AND TRICKS
The best cocktail I found (repeatedly) to boost metabolism is a combination of Zinc supplements, Potassium supplements, ans/or kelp pills.
Mint flavored things supress appetite, i.e. tooth paste, gum, mints, etc.
Make eating a routine. Set certain times that you will not eat before or after. Set a certain place that you eat at without distractions. If you are going to eat, focus on it so you have more control and more opportunity to stop when you want, before a binge.
Studies show people will eat less on dark colored plates (black, navy blue, deep violet, etc)
Sittint up straight (with proper posture) is shown to increase natural calorie comsumption by 10% - I have the shittiest posture ever. :/
Vinegar is a natural appetite supressant.
Always allow 3 hours between eating and sleeping. - I almost always go to sleep right after a binge to sleep off the emotions that come with it. :/
Consuming anti heartburn pills (neutralizing stomach acids) can supress hunger.
I don't know how true this one is but it's interesting and makes me hopeful. :) Constantly tap your fingers, feet, etc. "Fidgeting throughout the day is proven to burn up to an extra 800 calories." Like I said, I don't know how true it is.
QUOTES
Don't give up what you want most for what you want in the moment.
Let your bones define the beauty of your body. - That's one of my favorites. c:
When my ribs show, so will my smile.
The difference between want and need is self contol.
Eat to live; don't live to eat.
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
You are my obsession... I love you to the bones.
Perfection with a shadow of obsession is my everything.
You ask why? Because the mirror hurts much worse than starving.
I'm not starving to death... I'm starving to beauty.
This is a skill. This is MY skill.
---
Well that's all for now. I have comments to get back to but I believe I'll save that for another post. This one took quite a bit of time. Stay strong everyone. :) We can do this, we are strong, we will be thin! :D
Oh... I weighed in at 142 today. My BMI is 19.5. I'm 20 pounds away from my ultimate goal, 122. God 20 sounds like a lot. At 122 my BMI will be 16.8. Just to put things into perspective.
TIPS AND TRICKS
The best cocktail I found (repeatedly) to boost metabolism is a combination of Zinc supplements, Potassium supplements, ans/or kelp pills.
Mint flavored things supress appetite, i.e. tooth paste, gum, mints, etc.
Make eating a routine. Set certain times that you will not eat before or after. Set a certain place that you eat at without distractions. If you are going to eat, focus on it so you have more control and more opportunity to stop when you want, before a binge.
Studies show people will eat less on dark colored plates (black, navy blue, deep violet, etc)
Sittint up straight (with proper posture) is shown to increase natural calorie comsumption by 10% - I have the shittiest posture ever. :/
Vinegar is a natural appetite supressant.
Always allow 3 hours between eating and sleeping. - I almost always go to sleep right after a binge to sleep off the emotions that come with it. :/
Consuming anti heartburn pills (neutralizing stomach acids) can supress hunger.
I don't know how true this one is but it's interesting and makes me hopeful. :) Constantly tap your fingers, feet, etc. "Fidgeting throughout the day is proven to burn up to an extra 800 calories." Like I said, I don't know how true it is.
QUOTES
Don't give up what you want most for what you want in the moment.
Let your bones define the beauty of your body. - That's one of my favorites. c:
When my ribs show, so will my smile.
The difference between want and need is self contol.
Eat to live; don't live to eat.
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
You are my obsession... I love you to the bones.
Perfection with a shadow of obsession is my everything.
You ask why? Because the mirror hurts much worse than starving.
I'm not starving to death... I'm starving to beauty.
This is a skill. This is MY skill.
---
Well that's all for now. I have comments to get back to but I believe I'll save that for another post. This one took quite a bit of time. Stay strong everyone. :) We can do this, we are strong, we will be thin! :D
Oh... I weighed in at 142 today. My BMI is 19.5. I'm 20 pounds away from my ultimate goal, 122. God 20 sounds like a lot. At 122 my BMI will be 16.8. Just to put things into perspective.
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