Failure

Well... In an attempt to rectify the problems I've had with Blogger things have only gotten worse. I can no longer access my email (williamwilltell@yahoo.com) and now Everytime I try to go to my homepage it crashes completely. Ugh. I swear I have the worst luck, things are just always so complicated. But I don't fucking care. I won't stop this time. It may take a month and I may have to change every goddamn thing or just start brand new but I'll fucking do it. Bit by bit, piece by piece. I'm coming back and nothing can stop me. I'm going to attempt this all again tomorrow and hopefully I can fix at least one damn thing. Oh on top of all of that, I lost all of my old data and media. No thinspo, no sites, no passwords etc. What seems like a lifetime of accumulated information and support - lost. Out of all of this there is one piece of good news. I didn't eat today. Nothing. And that feels great. I know a couple of days ago I weighed 151.6 pounds. So much when I look out how much lower I've gotten and been. But hey, I have to stay positive. Apparently this is a new beginning for me (whether I chose it or not) and I'm just going to make the best of that I can. You'll be hearing from me again, you can count on that. I am determined.

Still trying to be here

Blogger on my device is still an ass. But if I feel determined enough I can get something rough posted. Anyway, I'm in the midst of reading this entire blog on tumblr from beginning to end. There's a lot to be said about my obsessive and addictive personality. Ha Anyway the blog is called proanaboy.tumblr.com I'm about halfway through (60 of 122 pages) but hear is the troubling part. Just from what I read on the first page the boy who kept this particular blog has died. :/ I can't believe it, i hope it's some cruel or twisted hoax but by all appearances it's legitimate. About 20 or 30 pages into reading I said in a choked whisper "No, I don't want him to be dead, he can't be. I need to talk to this boy." Ugh It's a lonely night. I'm getting really motivated to do whatever I can to get blogger working for me again. I need to get back to my girls and my blog on here. I miss you so. And I really, really want to find another ana boy that I can talk with.

Progress

Oh my god. Blogger is officially a pain in my ass to work with. It crashes my mobile device 9 times out of 10 when I try to get on. Now it keeps pooping all over the screen as I'm trying to write this, making me select and load things I don't want to! FRUSTRATION Anyway, I haven't been posting as much as I'd like to but I've been a little busier lately. And truthfully, I just don't have a lot to say about anything lately. I am off to a good start concerni my weight however. I'm down to 146.8 c:

Current Weight

154.5 Ow...

Time Flies

Holy shiiit I suck at this! I could've sworn I posted like two weeks ago tops! Anyway, I didn't end up going to Warped so I kinda lost my motivation. That's no excuse but that's what happened. I REALLY want to get back into this. So I think I may just start writing in a journal every night and then posting that all together like once a week. Sounds like a decent idea right? I just don't have enough going on to post every night but I feel like if I don't do something I'm just going to keep forgetting and falling off the face of the Blogger Earth. I don't know how much I weigh right now or what my plan is to start off my return. I have to figure all of that out today. So you may hear from me again tonight, tomorrow morning, who knows? I look forward to being a part of things with you ladies again! And hooooooopefully being a part of the skinny community again. <3 P.S. This new Blogger set up is seriously malfunctioninng on my mobile device. Pissi me off! So if anything looks weird that I post or whatever I apologize in advance, bare with me. :)

I'm still here.

Fuck, I have not been around in forever. :/ Ms. Piggy brought my attention to that the other day. I mean, I knew I hadn't been obviously but she really got me thinking about it. Blogger has really changed up since I've been on. :P I've been doing decently, I've gained but I've been happy enough. But I've lost some of my way of thinking, my habits and obsessions. That's the real loss. So I'm going to try to get back into blogging. It helps me focus and keep my mind clear. I'm going to Warped Tour in exactly two weeks and I'd like to lose as much weight as possible before then. The plan since last year was to go shirtless but Ha! That is not happening anytime soon. Anyway, I'll keep it short for now. Glad to be back :) 151.6 pounds

The Hunger Games

It's really a wonderful book and it has such a deliciously ironic name. That title is my new inspiration.

Gain

Here recently I've been doing ok, eating pretty good and not binging. But as I'm sure you are all aware "pretty good" just doesn't cut it in this world. I've gained a little back, back into the 140s. Good glob, I just can not seem to escape them for long. Fuck! Anyway, so it's back to really strict eating. I really want to start on a three day fast. That always just helps me get going otherwise I'll just give in each time and eat more than I want. So a three day fast it is. Oh, aaand as I'm sure you are all aware St. Patrick's Day is coming up and Spring Break. Which basocally means I'm going to be a complete drunk in about a week. I really need to get ahead of the curve before that starts and I inevitably gain weight from drinking and tending hangovers. I'm not going to lie, I know I can't avoid it. I can't say no to alcohol especially during any kind of holiday/feativities. Anyway, hopw to hear from some of you ladies and I'll try to wander over to your blogs and drop a few comments here and there later today. :)

Still around

Just letting everyone know I'm still around and doing decently. :) I haven't been keeping up on blogs (bad William) but I should be able to catch up fairly easily. Can't wait :) I hope everyone's been doing well and losing weight. Let's get skinny skinny skinny. It's a very boring and lonely night in William's world. I have no responsibilities, no hobbies, no interests. Nothing. Now I know that's not so bad, I mean nothing is really bad in my life, not particularly anyway. But I'm an intelligent, 20 year old boy. I have ambition and energy! I need an outlet! I want to be doing something, moving somehwere. But I'm just kind of stuck. I guess I've all the more time to focus on becoming skinny. Whatever, just rantis of a late night thought process. Good night my lovelies.

Holy Fuck

I feel like shit today and you don't even want to know what the scale says. It's official: food is my fucking enemy. I didn't even eat that much yesterday! Seriously! I'm hoping some weird voodoo, magic, jinx shit is going on right now and tomorrow the scale will be back to normal. HOLY FUCK. I'm still staying positive because even if I really have gained all that weight it just motivates me that much more to put the fucking fork down and starve on. I thought I could take one down without being a crazy person and just eat a couple of things. Well hell no I can't! I have to starve Everyday to get as little as I need to be. Silly William for thinking you could eat.

Celebration

Well, I kind of fucked up today. Not bad but still a fuck up. The evil side of my brain that likes to see me suffer convinced me it was ok to eat since I had done so well and got into the 130's! Well shit on that, I didn't want to eat! But I did. :P Not a whole lot but I'm definitely expecting a gain. And I purged. It was so weird because I didn't even think about it, it just kind of happened. Anyway, my attitude overall is still great and I can't wait to continue losing. Just a minor set back. I hope everyone is doing well, I love you all!

...

Finally got to weigh myself again... I'm back in the 130's! 139.6! Still a ways to go but that was a small victory. c: I've lost 4.6 pounds in the last week. It finally feels like this constant starving is paying off.

Ugly

I'm really struggling with not eating today. And all I want to do is weigh myself. I'm doing good so far. It's so weird that in one moment the two thing you want moat can be to eat and to starve. Anyway, I thought I'd post this video that really helps me. Not necessarily avoid eatin but it helps me feel the emotions that otherwise are just a big tangle and storm. Oh, also I made an e-mail for this blog. It's williamwilltell@yahoo.com Feel free to hit me up. Oh, and the Biggest Loser is on tonight. Hooray!

UGLY

FRUSTRATION

I don't eat anything but 0 cal foods for 2 and a half days and lose only 0.6 pounds?! I am livid. I've had to deny food so many times these last couple of days, I'm absolutely starving, and I've only lost 0.6 pounds! Fuck everything

Hm. I'm terrible at making titles, don't you think? ;)

I don't really have a lot on my mind to say but I figured it had been a little too long withthout an adequate post. I have to keep my lovelies up to date and informed don't I? c: <--- That face right there. I love that face. It's so damn cute! Haha. Since I don't have specific things on my mind I'll probably get sidetracked a lot in this post. My apologies. Well let's see. So in my last post I said I was going to be going out with my grandma for "supplies" and most likely lunch. But in a pleasant turn of events (Whoa. What happened? Shit never turns pleasant! Only worse!) it was a rainy day. Oh how I love rainy days. And on that particular day there was even more reason to love them! My grandma is a big scaredy cat and cancelled on me so she wouldn't have to drive on the wet roads (remember, I've no car). But my mom felt bad for me and took me to the store instead. Three victories: it was rainy, I got my supplies, and I wasn't forced to eat. :) Four gallons of water, a large tin of Folgers Special Blend coffee (something like that anyway), sweet'n'low, powdered creamer, a twelve pack of diet Pepsi, cigarettes. I really couldn't ask for a single thing more. Except maybe my own, private, extra secret scale. ;) It sucks, in a family of seven we only have one scale. It used to be in an easy place to sneak off to but recently my sister took it into her own private bathroom. (Since I always snuck to weigh myself everyone thought she was the only one to use e scale. Damn my ability to hide things sometimes.) So... Oh! I've recently decided to join a ten day fruit fast with my beloved Miss Piggy and possibly others. (You may know her as fat piggy but I am a gentlemen and as such refuse to call her that.) On the off chance that anyone reading my blog is unaware of hers (highly unlikely-she has an overwhelming amount of followers) you should totally check it out. Miss Piggy Yesterday was my first day and was a complete success. :) Oh, I forgot to clarify something though. I fucking hate fruit. Haha. A vegetarian, eating disordered boy who hates fruit. Weird hu? SO. Instead of fruit fasting I'm doing William's Secret Salad Fast. Totally just came up with that. A long time ago I mentioned this salad recipe (if you can call it that). It's basically just a bunch of vegetables (lettuce, spinach, onion, tomato, bell pepper, jalapeno, pepperonchini- whatever I want!) with spicy, brown mustard on top. No dressing, no cheese, no croutons, none of that fat shit! It's basically a zero calorie meal, or close enough that a small walk could burn it off. So that's the plan for the next 9 days: Diet Pepsi, coffee, secret salads. c:

On a small side note, I'm having horrible pains in my stomach at the moment. It's weird because it feels like I'm incredibly full, which is impossible because I haven't eaten anything other than a salad in the last 36 hours. Anyone have any insight? I would love a solution because it is un-fucking-comfortable.

Alright lovelies, that's all I can collect from my mind at the moment. Hope to see as many new posts and comments as possible! I love you all! Stay strong today, don't give in or give up. We all want and need this. c:

Quick Edit: I weighed yesterday morning and was 142.4 pounds. A little frustrating since at my return I weighed 142 even but whatever. I did go out with friends and drink quite a bit, blah, blah, blah.

Just a little something

Alright, late at night I always browse pictures for thinspo. Here's the trouble I have: 90% of adult (late 20's and up) guys that are "thin" are too muscular or way too sickly looking. So that leaves me with looking up younger skinny guys, something I can relate to better seeing as I'm only twenty. Well I fucki dare you to go search "skinny teen guy" or "skinny young guy" and 90% of your results will be damn porn. It's so frustrating! I'm just trying to find some inspiration to be skinny and have to see thousands of cocks. Sorry to be crude but god damn, I guess guys really can't keep it in their pants. :P Anyway, tonight I found the most perfect picture ever. It fills me with jealousy and wonder and a lust unlike any other to be thin. I just had to share it with you all. :)

Side note: I'm going out with my grandma today and I'm sure she'll want to get lunch. She is my biggest enemy about food, I love her to death but she has NO sensitivity. She always gives me shit about not eating and being too thin. The only thing she does more than that is notice when I've gained weight and she always comments on it. A while back I mentioned her saying something about "finally fattening me up some". Ugh, I could kill'er. But I really do love her. :) On the bright side I'll be able to get some helpful supplies: gallons of water, new coffee, coffee filters, diet pepsi, cigarettes. All that good weight-gain proof stuff. Wish me luck lovelies. <3

Quick check in...

Just letting you guys know I'm still going strong. :) I had just been out of town for what feels like forever. I don't like updating on any of my friends' computers either. (We all know how that goes.) Anyway, it's late and I'm tired so I'll wrap it up. Oh! And I wanted to post this amazing picture. Perfect thinspo for me. I'll post and read more tomorrow, stay strong ladies! (and gentlemen if you happen to be reading)

Wine Night!

I don't give a shit. I ate pretty good today. I drank sweet tea and a quarterish glass of juice and Coke. When I'm starting out I'm decently ok with liquids because it helps me with solids so much. Other than the liquids I ate one piece of veggie pizza. Pretty small piece, didn't eat the crust and quit a good half inch before that even. Pretty proud over all. :)

I'm catching up! Read a few blogs but damn I missed so much. I feel like such an ass. :/ I'll make up for it though. :)

Oh and as for the title... Yeah. I'm pretty wasted. Haha. I love winnneeee! :D

II'mmm baaack!

Hello to my favorite, little group!

I'm not sure exactly what to say for myself. I got caught up in shit, let little things get in the way, had some complications. But ultimately I just gave up with no valid excuses. BUT. I'm back. And oh does it feel good. So, so, so good. Hm. Let's see.

I'm sorry to everyone for not being there for you over the past couple of months. For not being a part of all of this with you. I know you will all understand but I am sorry regardless. That's what's so great about us isn't it? We Always understand. Because we've been there, we've been through so much, we go through So much. And I'm ready to go through it all with all of you, once again. c:

I'm going to try my very, very best to catch up on everything I missed through December and January. But I have to be honest with myself; there are so many blogs and so many posts. But every little one of those is so dear to me as are all of you. Hm. I guess I should fill you guys in on what you missed too. Fair trade right? Well, not a whole lot in all honesty. Drinking, getting fat, despising myself. All in all it was a vey unpleasant time. I tried to run and hide from this struggle, this fight (among oher things) for some time. It had just all become too much. Well I did just that, I ran for as long as I could but, as the saying goes, I couldn't hide. It found me every day, with every piece of food that passed my lips. And it hurt. Alas, I can't run or hide from this. How could I? It's who I am, it's What I am. So here I am, I've accepted the truth and I'm back. And I feel better about that than I have about anything in a long time. I guess if there's any silver lining to my absence it's that I didn't gain any weight. Well at least overall. There were time when the numbers climbed but in true Ana form there were times when they fell too. When I first decided to try and get back to this, to my ways, just in this last week I weighed 146.6. And now I'm down to 142 flat. Not a good weight at all but a good little start for my return.

Oh. And I also turned twenty while I was away. Hooray.

I suppose I'll wrap things up for now. But you can bet your ass there will be more. ;) I'm so excited and feel so good. I can't wait to hear from my lovelies and see how you've been doing. Lots of love and hope, William (God I missed that name.)