Hey everyone, I'm back! Hopefully :/ In the last couple of weeks I pretty much fell into an alcohol binge. I've been drunk more of the time than not. I honestly think how hard I was pushing myself and how much I felt pressured to do this overwhelmed me. I broke down and drank. And of course, I've gained weight. I'm all the way back up to 147 pounds. I've been sober for almost two days now and remember what a fat fuck I am. I want to apologize to everyone, we're supposed to be there for each other and I'm supposed to be strong for each and everyone of you. I'm sincerely sorry.
So here we go again! I'm back with you all and I'm back to losing weight! There've been several things that have really demotivated me. 1.) I had a friend tell me the other day that they remembered when I was tiny skinny and how cute it was. I miss that. :/ I miss being told nearly everyday that I'm too skinny or tiny. 2.) My grandma told me the other day "I think I'm finally fattening you up a little bit." What the fuck?! Who the hell thinks that's an ok thing to say? Grand parents I guess. 3.) I'm currently watching the Biggest Loser. I've been fighting back tears the whole time. It's kind of a messed up thing I guess. You'd think I would just be disgusted by all of these fat people, but somehow I still relate to them. And that brings on so many emotions. One I feel like a failure that these people can lose all this weight and I can't. But then I just about lose it because even I can realize that it's really not fair to compare a 150 pound person to a 400 pound person and yet I still do it, I still feel like we're the same and I should be able to lose dozens of pounds like them. Bluh. Very emotional night.
Anyway, I'm back and I am going to lose at least two dozen pounds. I will be skinny and I will be strong. <3 I can't wait to be back with you lovelies and to catch up with everyone's blogs and to offer my support.
WELCOME BACK!! :) :) I too have piled em back on, but hey I think of it as two steps forward one step back - we can't be perfect but at least the weight we return to after a binge is lower than what it was before :) :) And with all due respect to Grandma (I'm sure she's awesome, cuz all grannies are) but FUCK her. My grandad said stuff like that to me as a teen. FUCK SAKES! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO ME OVER HERE!!??? Anyway. :) Welcome back darling! Always here for you! XOXOXOXOXOXO
ReplyDeleteOH AND on the being drunk front, about a year ago I had a pregnancy scare and for the two weeks that I waited to take the test, I drank gin. I finished about a bottle a day. Fucking drunk much? Anyway. Point is - it happens. I believe it helps to take a time out from reality sometimes and being drunk sometimes helps that. LOVESSS XO
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